Sinning Angel
by RikuAnimeloverButler
Summary: This shall be a series of drabbles revolving around Kratos Just his thoughts on his life and Ratings and such will vary chapter by Being set as complete for random
1. A White Filled Night

Sinner's Thought's  
Chapter I: A White Filled Night  


Disclaimer~ "I don't own **Tales of Symphonia** or its characters; they belong to **_Namco Tales Studio! _**I just like taking them and playing with them sometimes!

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Evening had taken over - it have a sharp crisp of cold clean air that seemed to give everything a fresh start at night - maybe that's why the angel enjoyed the shadows - that lived by the white beam of light so much. Night was unlike the sunset orange that ruled over the many souls that dared walk in its bright path.

No.

I - am who those see as an angelic man - this so called _Angel of Cruxis_ was indeed not myself. I'm not an Angel, for no Goddess exist, even if one did - I doubt they'd let all the things that have occurred - happened at all. I would've been gone long ago - same could go for Mithos, Yuan, and indeed Martel.

Kratos signed it was on a night like this when the moon was full that his ever so busy mind plagued him with thoughts of a different past - and thus a different - maybe even perhaps better off future were he didn't exist. Knowing this to be futile he simply continued to walk on - the lake reflecting the moon's light of rebirth, gave him a sense of purity. He smiled gently remembering a few good things that came from many mistakes:

_~Anna_

_~Lloyd_

~And his own _right to **atone**_ for them.

Kratos chuckled as he came towards the water's edge. "Maybe some mistakes were meant to happen…"


	2. Sinner Forgiven

Sinner's Thought's  
Chapter II: Sinner Forgiven

Disclaimer~ "I don't own **Tales of Symphonia** or its characters; they belong to **_Namco Tales Studio! _**I just like taking them and playing with them sometimes!

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**Rating: **T  
**Status:** Unbeated

* * *

**September, 11th, 2013:** _~The price of a sin~_

Every sin has a price, may it be green, red - or maybe even your own life. Sins are just heavy mistakes that have piled up over time from walking down a cold, heartless - or maybe even shadow covered path.

He destroyed a nation - shattered the flow of a whole world - trying to play God - for a deity created through falsehood. Ideals challenged by those of a different way. A young boy in red kind-hearted and gentle with his ideals. Mithos grew up seeing things differently - unlike the hero of now - who took place in the history books. He was hated on for his heritage.

All Mithos ever was simply: A hero fallen from grace. Wanted the love from the one person who never judged him. Everything he'd ever known was now appearing, disappearing, he was no longer hardly innocent, nor tied down to the ground. This was the beginning of a thousand year old plan. An age of beings like no other - all tied around a religion of lies and Angels who were more sinner than worship worthy saints.

I learned to roll and tumble with the punches, one of the four living heroes of a war even longer lived. Longer suffered through than any other. It was only fate, nothing more to it I presumed as I out reached my hands to finally grasp glory in my hands and walk by invisible eyes - turning darker and darker by the day. Lips open, wanting to cry out for his disappearing life, but they never make a sound.

Make's a person turn back the pages of the book, reread their own tale and see were a semi-colon could've been placed and were a period could've been - to stop the sins of many…

_~Kratos closed his journal he wasn't sure if that he'd written was much of anything - but in a sense his whole life was something that was unreal and didn't quite make sense - should writing it all down make any much of a difference?_

"Well even if the world forgets everything and life fails to exist - I'll never forget this twisted fate driven life of mine from the past, now, and an unclear future, besides-" He stopped hearing his son outside his front door.

"I have a future to live for now…"


	3. Fallen From Grace

Sinner's Thought's  
Chapter III: Fallen From Grace  


Disclaimer~ "I don't own **Tales of Symphonia** or its characters; they belong to **_Namco Tales Studio! _**I just like taking them and playing with them sometimes!

* * *

**Rating: **K+ - T  
**Status:** Unbeated

* * *

The town of Luin was always peaceful – for some reason it was the only place Kratos seemed to be calm enough to let his guard down and just be himself – or as much of himself that he'd ever show. The forest clearing he called his home was nice too but it was something about this town that really made him feel a warmth inside himself – that he no longer felt.

Maybe it was _Lake Sinoa_? Surrounded by forests – reminding him of his forest clearing home – by all the shade it offered. It was one of the biggest bodies of water in the area. It is very beautiful, and attracted Kratos time and time again during the warmer seasons. It is so clear that you can see to the very bottom of the lake.

It almost acted as a mirror for the Angel. It reflected all his mistakes into a deep clear pool of complete confusion – although it also acted as a reminder – it was clear. You could see right through it and easily put a hand into the cool pool and cause ripples – almost like how you could easily change one's destiny and fix your wronged mistakes. In many ways it reminded him of the ways his life had changed so much in four thousand years.

Going from his less than perfect years living with his family in Meltokio – his mother's passing, the murdering of his father…he was less than perfect. But it lead to him meeting his amazing group of companions – friends – who would each further shape his life, just as the water ripped from the different elements that fell upon it.

The Kharlan War hadn't been his most happiest of memories – but they weren't his worst. He had Yuan, Martel, Mithos, and Noishe – they helped him get through it and they even saved the world – only for Martel to parish and see his best friend fall slowly from his heroic status – he went so far as to create a false world religion…all for the sake for his beloved sister. Kratos had to admit around that time – he did in fact feel lonely – and maybe just a bit…scared?

Then meeting Anna – and losing her – along with Lloyd…finding his son again – that really changed him – he still isn't sure if it was for the better or worse as he was still plagued by these thoughts whenever he gave himself time to think. Kratos wasn't a weak man – he was far from weak but if there was one thing he did learn – death is meaningless, as to nothing can be solved from it and that your sins – even at their worse are just mistakes and they can be fixed.

He moved a bit under the oak tree providing him shade and lay under it. As the cool breeze swept over his features – Kratos wasn't perfect…far from it. As his chestnut hair caress his face he whispered more so to himself than to another, _"Maybe I am just an Angel fallen from grace."_


	4. Calming Breeze

Sinner's Thought's  
Chapter IV: Calming Breeze  


Disclaimer~ "I don't own **Tales of Symphonia** or its characters; they belong to **_Namco Tales Studio! _**I just like taking them and playing with them sometimes!

* * *

**Rating: **K+ - T  
**Status:** Unbeated

* * *

Kratos pressed his face to the cool glass, trying to cool his flushed cheeks before he went downstairs. Opening his eyes, he found himself face-to-face with a reflection of what appeared to be just a little over 28 years. Opal-reddish eyes were his most prominent feature; set above high cheekbones. Kratos' hair was short, but full on his head and stuck up at odd angles, catching the few natural strands of brown amongst the mousy red. Kratos had been a keen swordsmen since he was old enough to hold one - that was indeed many years ago; This had left him slender yet toned, with plenty of strength and speed.

Kratos held his face to the mirror a moment more, but it didn't help. He didn't need sleep but even the Angel had breaking points. His eyes had begun to show signs human signs of tiredness and frankly - he wouldn't be one to admit - he was tired. Giving up with the seemingly endless game of_ "stare down"_ with the mirror he walked to the bathroom, splashing his face with water a couple of times. It was cool and did the trick with getting the ancient man to want to _/try/_ begin his day. But after 4,000 years, life did tend to become rather: There's nothing new under the sun.

Kratos didn't even try to do anything with his mop mess of which he called hair. He pulled a black short sleeved shirt over his head dark combat style shoes, before heading out the door. Outside the air was warm and fresh; still hot, but there was a breeze now and dew hanging in the air. It made for something pleasant to be in. Kratos moved with such grace and purpose, stepping exactly in the center of each paving slab, seemingly without realizing it.

Kratos was one of those people for whom instinct was everything. The things he loved were tactile and vivid. He was the kind of person that took their time walking through the rain, simply to feel the drops over their skin. After all these years he figured most people he'd come across could sense it: in the way the man's fingers ran across the low walls of people's gardens, as he walked the streets.

Even the way he licked his lips to taste the air. Eyes drifting towards a sign which pointed towards a beach - now thinking maybe he should have gotten Noishe before hand - the Protozoan loved being around water - and in the sun. The beach was about a mile from his home, that lay tucked away in the forest, so it didn't take him long to reach it – climbing down the steep steps that had been carved into the rock. Kratos moved effortlessly, having taken this route so many times during his life.

Kratos ignored the many sounds around himself and wondered down to his favorite spot. A huge rock jutted out about halfway across the beach, shielding the area from any strong breezes, and the sand was completely dry here… at least while the tide was still out.

The man walked around for a bit, dragging his feet and occasionally testing the breeze. It was rare that he'd give himself time to relax and just remember how it was to enjoy life. Eventually he stopped, feeling eyes digging into his back. "Isn't it a calming breeze." He asked no one in particular, but the man was no fool he'd felt a strange dark aura since he'd set foot on the sand.


	5. Frozen Sins

Sinner's Thought's  
Chapter VI: Frozen Sins  


Disclaimer~ "I don't own **Tales of Symphonia** or its characters; they belong to **_Namco Tales Studio! _**I just like taking them and playing with them sometimes!

* * *

**Rating: **T  
**Status:** Unbeated

* * *

_Cold. Freezing. Snowy Tundra. The cold hearted soul. Chills to the bone. Why was it so cold?_

That was the main thing on Kratos' mind this iciness he felt in this moment was nothing compared to even the sometimes freezing temperatures in Flanoir. Lifting his left arm he slowly ran across it with the tips of his right hand, shell shocked that his skin turned a /deadly/ shade of a blue(ish) white.

He seemed hesitant to leave his /rarely used/ room. His mind was fogy and he clearly wasn't thinking straight, but even so he got up. Barefooted and in nothing more than a simple pair of sleep bottoms, every step the man took across his warming wooden floors /quickly/ turned the slacks of wood into an indoor ice ring.

_"It isn't cold."_ Kratos pondered in his head as he slowly made his way across the frozen floor. Shocked as to why his body no longer longed for the warmth of heat. He was a very level-headed being, but that part of his mind must've frozen over as well.

Had he already adjusted to this new element? Then he thought. _"Maybe I just need a shower. A /very/ hot shower."_ Thus this train of thought caused him to walk /slide/ his way towards the washroom conjoined to his room.

Gripping the handle of the door it to turned into nothing more than an ice form of its former inside, he made his way towards his shower, turning the nozzle to the hottest temperature it could go, the ice spread across the walls around him, and the tile beneath as well. However, as the steaming water came out Kratos noted something: _Pain._

The agonizing pain of being near a form of heat made the Angel /slightly/ double over in pain. Discomforts only seeming to get worse the more heat that came from the shower head. Kratos let out a scream, sending a stream of a snowy breeze from his breath, turning the water flow into a ice sculpture of a waterfall or stream frozen in the depths of time.

"What, was that?" He asked himself out-load - _again_ - causing the snowy breath to pass his lips with ease and cover the frozen water, making it glisten in the artificial lighting of the room - _although - now_ - instead of a warm yellow they gave off a soothing blue, which at the this time gave Kratos much needed peace of mind.

Having nothing better to do now. He went to leave his bathing chambers, alias(?) there was a problem. The door was stuck. With a very hefty amount of force he changed into the door - _successfully_ - knocking it from its hinges and sliding across the ice cavern. He was headed straight for his wardrobe - but he was a smart man. Quickly calling upon his wings he was now air born and thus - safe from any physical harm.

Gliding over to his wardrobe he pulled on a simple black long sleeved shirt, a everyday wear pair of faded black pants and on his feet? Onyx combat boots. He flew from his room towards his front door and began his journey out, but as a last precaution he began casting a personal _ice tornado_ around himself as a way to protect himself from further harm from heat. He hoped this would be enough - until he found Lloyd or one of the others.

"This is turning into a very…interesting set of events."


	6. Antichlorobenzene

Sinner's Thought's  
Chapter VI: Antichlorobenzene

Disclaimer~ "I don't own **Tales of Symphonia** or its characters; they belong to **_Namco Tales Studio! _**I just like taking them and playing with them sometimes!

* * *

**Rating: **T  
**Status:** Unbeated

* * *

Anger. Hatred. Muder

It was all he could think, and he loved it. He could hardly contain himself as he watched the one person he'd been acquainted with for so many years lie right to his face. He never spoke of it though. He never even had a clue. The slits on his wrists told the stories of pain, he's kept to himself.

_**1….2…3…**_

And he could spend all day counting the many bloody lines along his body, most if not all could be gone by tomorrow – curse being an angel. Although everything would soon be over – for within three days his once so called friend's blood would cover his hands. It's not like he hadn't killed another man before.

Creature and human – both had fallen to his blade many times during the war. They all deserved it anyway; he had nothing to feel bad for. And all these people, the people he knew better than anyone else did, were crying because of him. As hard as it was to stop himself from completely going crazy with excitement, he had to smile every time he saw the panic and disbelief in the eyes of those he was killing.

None of them had seen it coming, he could tell from the way they were all looking at him after he'd whipped, stabbed or slowly tore their pathetic body to pieces…inch by inch - although, they should've seen it coming really. War…it was never a good thing for a child…the pain inside himself…It had been building up for years; everything they ever did contribute to it. And it was so worth it. It was every pair of eyes that really made his day. Each time he saw one more pair, he felt wonderful all over again.

The blood was good too though; he couldn't have gone through with his plans if there would have been no blood. As it turned out, there was more blood than he had ever expected, and it just made the day that much better. But it was the eyes, and what he could see in them, that made all the time he had consumed with the careful planning worthwhile. The expression of the very first person he killed, it wasn't another monster…but a real person with flesh and bones such as he - who happened to be someone he had been looking forward to stabbing with his blade for some time, was going to be his most treasured memory for the rest of his never-ending life.

Would he be wrong to say the first person he murdered…was his own father?

No.

Kratos wouldn't be wrong. It was one of the many reasons he had joined his so called friend to begin with…he wanted an escape from a hell, that he had no control over. The man – once big and bad seemed to go into a shock – after seeing his own son after two entire years. No longer a boy, but a man with a plan. Kratos held a cold look in his eyes, with sword in hand, his mother long sense dead, never knew the reasons, he never truly cared. Moving quickly he cut down the man who'd been holding him back all those years.

The second that metal hit his chest, his eyes had widened to an almost unbelievable extreme. After a few moments his head had fallen and hit the cold wooden floor beneath, and Kratos had left the room in search of his next target…all those who had seen his abuse, but never batted an ear. It was only after a good five delayed seconds that the screaming and chaos began.

The other pairs of eyes had been much the same, although many of them had clearly been primarily in fear. Others had no prior warning of their demise, so there had been little reaction from them as they were struck through the head. He had just enjoyed watching the blood seep through the wounds in these ignorant people. At this moment, he was standing in a home of about five people. It was a small family, and every last one of the kids in this home was someone that _he was going to murder_.

He had run his dagger through them all, but not so they died; he'd finish them off in a minute. These people, the ones crawling towards him, screaming, crying, getting blood all over them and wore out house, were supposed to be his best friends. As far as he was concerned, they hadn't been best friends at all. Perhaps to each other, but no, never to him. He'd remember coming to school as a child – he knew people had seen his cuts, the bruises on his face, and the tears that sometimes came into his eyes.

Kratos wouldn't have anyone treating him like that, and now they couldn't treat anyone else like that either. He wanted them to cry and beg for mercy, even though there was absolutely nothing he could, or wanted to, do to help them. He wanted them gone from the world forever, and when he took the last slashes, the only sounds that could be heard? His paranoid screams of terror. He shut his eyes and reveled in the sound_. _

_Screaming, crying, people dying._

He didn't care that blood was soaking through his shoes, or drying on his jeans, or sticking his hair together; it was proof of his superiority. He didn't care that he would be wanted, or that the royal knights would be looking for him, or that a judge would make him rot in prison; he wouldn't be around for much longer. He didn't care that his acquaintances were lifeless, or that his friends were lying dead on the floor; they had all wished the same on him all the other times before. They had all wanted him dead, so he'd grant them that; the catch being that they'd all go down with him. It must have been the last thing they expected….

But this wasn't going to be like that time, it wouldn't. Kratos' soul had died so long ago…the only thing keeping him alive was his wish to kill Yuan. These three days couldn't end fast enough, could they? It wasn't his fault! That he had so many sins and mistakes! He tried to change them, with his son by his side. But sinners really cannot find happiness, can they? Lloyd is no more, neither is the one who raised him known as Dirk. And in that moment all the strength Kratos had…left…he was broken…tired and /finally/ he could say he really did have nothing left to live for. 4,000 years was enough – in fact – it was too damn much.

He hated to say it but he couldn't stop crying…the tears never did stop to pour, "Anna…I failed you…and Lloyd…it seems I've failed my only son too…"

Pictures and memories could do nothing to heal a heart that was already dead.

Kratos soon found himself on the roof admiring the view and remembering the eyes of his beloved Anna and Lloyd. He failed to protect the most important people to him. He smiled to himself and laughed quietly; _this was what it was all about._

Hanging his head in shame, he tossed out his final thoughts of living any sort of happy life - those where nothing but a fantasy he had in his thoughts so long ago, and with a final sentence to give him piece of mind he wondered what would happen after Yuan finally died, _"I guess my reality didn't control me…but I wonder if it had…would the ones I loved still be here laughing and loving life around me…"_


	7. Angelic Laughter

Sinner's Thought's  
Chapter VI: Angelic Laughter

Disclaimer~ "I don't own **Tales of Symphonia** or its characters; they belong to **_Namco Tales Studio! _**I just like taking them and playing with them sometimes!

* * *

**Rating: **T  
**Status:** Unbeated

* * *

Sometimes his soul felt free and human enough to laugh.

It happened at random moments, raising unexpectedly out of him. Unexpected for Kratos because he could never seem to recall the last time he laughed. When he did laugh, the others around him could be so shocked they couldn't help but laugh along with the angel too. The simple, light-hearted sound of it uplifting those around him, delight and relief stealing across faces.

Look! He's laughing! He's really laughing! And at the thought, Kratos would immediately somber, the expression dying on his face right where it started. It always played out the same way. Now this, he could clearly recall.

He would laugh, but once he saw the delight and relief two pauses would occur to him; the question why? And then the answer. Why were they so happy? He could then grasp that they smiled and were relieved because he was laughing. Why should they be? Laughing was a simple matter - for those human enough. But then he knew it was because laughter was a strange matter for him, and Kratos would abruptly stop. Realizing he shouldn't have felt that human at all.

Even as this episode would pass, a faint phantom of a smile would curl his mouth absently, as he remembered the pleasant feeling that filled him as the laughter bubbled in his throat and escaped through his lips. He shouldn't have feelings, right? He had no heart, that stopped beating long ago. Maybe the ability to feel those emotions he just lacked.

Eyes distant as he stared out towards the world in front of him. Sometimes Kratos had to wonder if he still had his thoughts of giving up on life - although even that seemed like a fantasy to his shell of a heart now. It was moments like this that made the redhead wonder if he honestly could come to anyone, when he was so vulnerable. It was a side he himself rarely saw, but in the back of his mind he always knew it was there.

"One such as myself in a state like this?" He mused. He'd been stopped looking towards…anything really. "How ironic, is it wrong to feel this way?" He silently mused to himself. "It's quite laughable..."


	8. Remembering Sunday

Sinner's Thought's  
Chapter: Remembering Sunday  
AU:Teenage Kratos

Disclaimer~ "I don't own **Tales of Symphonia** or its characters; they belong to **_Namco Tales Studio! _**I just like taking them and playing with them sometimes!

* * *

**Rating: **T  
**Status:** Unbeated

* * *

It had nearly been a month since that day.

If Kratos wasn't awaking from dreams of terror, then he was staying up until the early hours of the morning trying to forget about it. However, that ended in many tears spent. Leading him to another method to take his pain away. He could do it quickly, the numb feeling that would come from downing bottle after bottle would give him a simple bliss he hadn't known in a long time. Nowadays to Kratos bliss was a reality turned fantasy. Cheeks wet from the traitor tears that fell from his copper vision he sighed. It was always like this.

It had to be a little past two in the morning and the teen had already gone through five bottles of whiskey. Kratos couldn't remember much in this state except for two things:

_The one thing he wanted to forget never went away.  
__He hadn't been sober in many days._

Having had enough of the liquid that burned his throat he set his drink down on the nightstand before putting on his shoes. He now had the task of _/once again/_ sneaking out of his home unnoticed by his father. Then again, why would be bother? He was to drunk and to tired of that man to care one way or another. Kratos would've been gone long ago if it hadn't been for…the one thing he'd wish his mind would forget.

Gazing out his open window, Kratos enjoyed the chilly breeze that blew into his window from the starry sky. It was one of those rare nights when you could see every star in the heavens above - it served to calm him for a moment. However, Kratos - known rebel and just as stubborn as he wanted to be. He put on his jacket - it was his favorite, before gripping the edges of the window he held it before taking the plunge below. His home wasn't very big - he dwelled on the second floor but even that seemed like nothing to the human teen.

Kratos wasn't sure on where he wanted to go, but as the first snowflake fell upon his face he had a clue. It wasn't a town very far from here - _now_ - it was always moving. It always amazed the redhead he'd never been before, but now? Perhaps he should channel his curiosity. Yes maybe he should finally travel to the legendary town of **_Flanoir_**

Walking Kratos could tell he was getting closer - snow covered the ground heavily as if it never left. The full moon was now at its highest in the sky. Had he been walking this long already? That's when he noticed something. They appeared to be nothing more than large stones. But in his intoxicated state, they seemed to call out to him and as he began getting closer and closer. He stood in the middle of the circle the stones seemed to create when a green beam of light started coming from the moon, towards him.

That's when the memories he wanted to forget came back full force, he fell to his knees as the rocks glowed in the moons light. Eyes shut Kratos hadn't realized he'd been transported to a different world entirely. When the teen opened his eyes he was near a town, but not Flanoir. It wasn't covered in snow - nor were the stones still there. However having no other options he raced towards the town, stripping his jacket in the process to rest in the underside of his right arm.

Even without knowing where he was as Kratos raced through the town he saw many mother's with their children and he passed an ally before he went through it, sneaking to his knees and crying. The one thing he wanted to forget. Get his mind to unsee, he just couldn't. "Mom..." He chocked back sobs.

_"Mom, I wish you didn't have to go..."_

* * *

**Author's Note:**


	9. Never Forget

Sinner's Thought's  
Chapter: Never Forget  


Disclaimer~ "I don't own **Tales of Symphonia** or its characters; they belong to **_Namco Tales Studio! _**I just like taking them and playing with them sometimes!

* * *

**Rating: **T  
**Status:** Unbeated

* * *

It had been one month.

A mere seven days of pure torture and angst. His mind, body, and very soul were going through a sea of indescribable emotions. As he downed another glass of whiskey his hand was quick – almost automatic with the way it tossed that one side, never failing to land in the trash can before grabbing another and taking a long gulp of the throat burning liquid once more.

_"Anna…" _whispering her name upon his lips he still couldn't bring himself to accept the reality

That she was _/forever/_ gone.

Finishing his _/now/_ tenth bottle of an intoxicating substance Kratos looked out his window, which displayed a darkened sky lit by crescent light and many white dots - He _hated_ it – hated everything. All around him were things to remind him of his beloved. Under those stars – this same playground in the dark had they embraced and told one another of their love. That night was once from which the Angel had cast all his sorrows aside and completely allowed humanity to take over. Now - he longed for the feeling once more. However, he'd /somehow/ accepted that part of his soul to be long gone, because when Anna left:

_She took a piece of him._

Unbeknownst to Kratos, Yuan had been there. Silently watching as the auburn broke down where he thought was away from everyone's sights. Truthfully the aqua-haired man wouldn't have came given not hearing the sounds of glass bottles breaking in a can.

"Foolish. Kratos you've fool among fools." As Yuan spoke he came /closer/ into the dimly lit area. The strong wiff of hard liquor that went past his nose almost made him want to cringe - _almost. _"Wake up Kratos. She's gone - Just accept it. Accept life for what it is - a bitch."

Head /sharply/ turning towards Yuan. His eyes were mad. They'd lost there luster and were dead. Was there any further need to continue to go on? If Yuan wanted him to wake up, well that was something he couldn't bring himself to do. His family was no more - _it hurt_.

His only child: **G_one._**

"Yuan." He didn't bother looking at the other. It was useless, when you'd fallen into a void of nothing - a dark covered sea. You /already/ knew no one could reach you. "I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare."

Yuan couldn't say he didn't know how the man felt, because he knew all to well. "You don't think I know how you feel? Kratos, when Martel died this is all I felt. Depressed, like there was no purpose in living anymore. To this day, those thoughts still linger but there comes a point where one must move on. Now is the time you seek someone - _anyone._Grieving is done. You've moaned enough. Kratos, no one said you had to forget her, just accept that she's never coming back."

"I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a colorless wave. The things happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I failed to protect those I cared for, It's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, _without_ worth. I might as well be dead."

Picking up another glass Kratos downed it in ten seconds flat and _/in anger/_ tossed it at the paper-thin wall. A load _'crash'_ rang out through their current location and the room next to it. Yuan knew when Mithos tried to calm Kratos and make him see reason. Even he was turned away. Why did he hope for a different result with him? Perhaps he thought since he'd also lost the women who was his everything.

**It was of no use:** Words couldn't reach a man who didn't wish to listen. For a moment Yuan pondered if hope was so much harder then despair. Remembering how he was long ago. Yes, it indeed was. In Yuan's case he wasn't frightened in the least when he thought on how he was once going to live, but there was always the reason on why he managed to move on:

_He was **already** dead inside._

"Kratos, I can feel the hurt. There's something good about it. Mostly it makes me stop remembering. Even if Martel is never revived, I believe I would be alright."

Another glass downed Kratos looked towards Yuan, wondering why he hadn't left like Mithos. Why he even bother to keep at him. Something in his soul was searching. He wanted Yuan to continue - needed him to say his piece.

"I would be alright since I got to spend time with her, and that is how I can deal with the turn hollow pain by filling it up with all my beloved's happiness." This is when Yuan finished saying his goodbyes before leaving Kratos were he was. To think upon his words.

They wouldn't_ /fully/_ hit home with the blue-winged Angel until much later. However, they gave him a hope _/once again/_ to cling too.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I've been in a bumped mood as of late. I'm sorry for no updates for over 2 months. I plan on changing that this Thanksgiving and Christmas break. I hope I haven't lost my touch - I plan on doing three X-mas themed fics this year.

1.) InuYasha  
2.) Tales of Symphonia  
3.) Naruto


	10. Amuse Me

Sinner's Thought's  
Chapter: Amuse Me  


Disclaimer~ "I don't own **Tales of Symphonia** or its characters; they belong to **_Namco Tales Studio! _**I just like taking them and playing with them sometimes!

* * *

**Rating: **T  
**Status:** Unbeated

* * *

Kratos had never seen Martel this upset.

_Ever._

It was something he wasn't quite sure how to deal with or even approach. Martel was always the one saying: _"Cheer up and just smile." _

Although - _now_ - maybe Martel realized that they were words easier said then done - Kratos knew this first hand. Walking towards the girl Mithos was trying his best to wipe the_ /slight/_ tears, but Kratos knew it was of no use.

He was going to make Yuan pay for causing her to cry, he really was insensitive sometimes. "Martel, I'm sorry Yuan's an ass."

He'd never been in this position. When he was a child and he could cry he remembered how his mother would pull his knee-high self onto her lap and sing him into comfort. Sometimes she'd even give his forehead a kiss for good measure. How he could spend all day thinking of his mother. However, he knew those methods wouldn't work for it wasn't in him to do so and it wouldn't be from him.

_Although it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot, right?_

Getting in front of Martel's face he removed her hands from her wet green eyes - holding them in his larger more calloused ones until she would give him a glance and gave the mother figure in his life a smile. It was nothing really special, but he's seen a smile bring on another and another before. Should the results be any different for him?

"Give me a smile. I'm sure Mithos would be glad as well."

He was very pleased when she did.


End file.
